HOW I FOUND OUT I'M DYING


July 11 I walked outside to pick up the paper when a terrible pain made me wretch with pain. After stumbling around a few minutes I called my doctor who ordered a CAT scan which reminds me of a person who took her dog to the Vet who said there is nothing wrong with your dog. She insisted on a second opinion. He brought in a cat who smelled the animal, next he brought in a Black Lab who smelled around on the dog. The vet insisted nothing was wrong and presented a bill for $100. The customer insisted this was way out of line at which the vet informed her that he was only going to charge $10 but since she insisted on a Cat scan and a Lab report, his price increased.) Please laugh 'cause I need it.
Anyway, after putting iodine into my veins and putting me through a CAT SCANNER it was determined I had an abdominal aorta aneurysm just below where the blood plumbing hooks onto the main plumbing from the heart and goes down the right leg. If I bleed out death can occur very quickly. My first reaction was, "I'm 75 going on 76 so "whatever is to be will be", but the physician who will do the surgery gave me 99 to 1 chance of making it. So here goes.
Lets see, the surgeon gave me about three months to live without the operation. (Oh, by the way, I haven't had syphilis but I did smoke behind the barn (my friend burned down a thousand bales of his dad's hay, but I wasn't with him), in the last year of college (since I was studying for the Baptist ministry, I had to sneak and try to hide the odor), in the Navy, and I didn't quit until the 70's when I spent a week in Scout Camp with my son. I didn't take pipe tobacco so I smoked cedar bark which cured me of even having the desire. So all in all it has been a good thirty years or more. (Perhaps I can sue Old Gold, Lucky Strike, Kools and a few others plus the Red Cross for furnishing me smokes in the Navy.)Some new facts on who gets aneurysms. Seems people who have had polio are prone to artery blow outs more than others. Doctors don't know if the polio virus causes it or if the inability to move around causes the problem. The disease hit me in 1954 while the Navy was trying to make a sailor out of me. Seems like no matter how much proof is that there is another cause for an illness, smoking always gets the blame anymore.
So what can I do with them big bucks? A dying rich man carried a suitcase filled with gold to Heaven where Peter wasn't going to let him in with it until after he looked inside, he said, "Oh, you brought some street paving so go on in."
Pardon the jokes, but I won't have surgery until next week at least so I'm trying to work off some anxiety.
Today, August 8th, I had some more blood work done which an ex-Army medic drew a pint or more. He might be selling it on the Black Market or something, but at least I won't mess up so much if I bleed out before surgery.Think of the mess if I was having sex and had a blow out. (fat chance, take it as you want.) Anyway I had a chest X-ray and an EKG and now I'm waiting for Friday to have a chemical heart stress test. Stay tuned for more of this exciting Blog.
Sir, this is a letter I sent to the Superintend of Methodist work in this area. Ignore my concern if you care, but remember, if you live in Stephenville you might be faced with this slaughterhouse having to work on you. If you can think of anyway to help rectify this situation, please do so. There are other people in our town who have been maimed at our local hospital. Contact me, and I can give you a list. Luther Butler 254 968 3282

Sir, this is a letter I sent to the Superintend of Methodist work in this area. Ignore my concern if you care, but remember, if you live in Stephenville you might be faced with this slaughterhouse having to work on you. If you can think of anyway to help rectify this situation, please do so. There are other people in our town who have been maimed at our local hospital. Contact me, and I can give you a list. Luther Butler 254 968 3282

Dear Sir, Harris Methodist Hospital Erath County. This little message will let you know what is going on at a hospital in your great Methodist organization. On Thursday September 22 my surgeon did a two foot incision to fix an aneurysm, started working on me and I started bleeding. This fucking hospital didn't have any blood so the doc stapled me with 14 staples and saved my life. I will go to the VA in Temple for another try soon. I knew better than to use this fucked up Stephenville hospital. At least the doc saved me from bleeding to death. This isn't the first time this damn hospital has screwed with my family. In September of last year my wife fell out of her wheelchair and broke her leg. The doctor in the emergency room of this great Christian institution said he made an Xray and found nothing and ordered me to take her home. I refused, and went to a real doctor who found the break. Take care of our problem, please. Luther Butler, 1310 Wildwood, Stephenville, Texas, 76401 Telephone 254 968 3282

WHAT I’VE LEARNED FROM MY OPERATION
Really, was this an operation? My body received a cut that is over a foot long. There has been intense pain, but there has been no benefit from this cruel attack on my body. Like a Wet Back in a bar I have been subjected to a vicious attack that the surgeon will harass me with the logic that if I do not have the operation I will soon bleed to death. But, what difference will there be in an artery bursting on its own and of me bleeding to death on an operation table where there is no life sustaining blood to keep me alive?
Trust the surgeon? Look, I trusted the surgeon who was able to cut but not to complete the operation. While I sleep under heavy sedation will he again make a fatal decision that will allow me to sink into a bloodless death?
Doctors have screwed me every since I had polio in the Navy. Will they continue to do so? I have to decide whether I will die a natural death or if I will die a death that will bring several thousand dollars into the hands of a medical profession that has little more to offer than a prayer before the procedure, and after the failure of the surgeon to blame me for taking a blood thinner that I stopped taking when he told me to stop taking it.
I don’t trust the medical profession.




LET ME SHOW YOU MY SCAR.

PLATO ON DEATH
One, he said, of which I could not expect easily to convince others. For let me tell you, Socrates, that when a man thinks himself to be near death, fears and cares enter into his mind which he never had before; the tales of a world below and the punishment which is exacted there of deeds done here were once a laughing matter to him, but now he is tormented with the thought that they may be true: either from the weakness of age, or because he is now drawing nearer to that other place, he has a clearer view of these things; suspicions and alarms crowd thickly upon him, and he begins to reflect and consider what wrongs he has done to others. And when he finds that the sum of his transgressions is great he will many a time like a child start up in his sleep for fear, and he is filled with dark forebodings. But to him who is conscious of no sin, sweet hope, as Pindar charmingly says, is the kind nurse of his age:

Hope, he says, cherishes the soul of him who lives in justice and holiness and is the nurse of his age and the companion of his journey; --hope which is mightiest to sway the restless soul of man.The Republican 1
Now the trick is to make myself think that I am conscious of no sin before the operation!

Catfish Charlie
a novel
by Luther Butler


CHAPTER ONE
Drowsily, she rubbed her eyes wondering what had disturbed her sleep. Even thought the blinds were open to the east, very little Texas sun was coming in through their bedroom window. In fact after all the rain they had, she wondered if there would be any sun today.
Gradually, her eyes adjusted to the dim light. Still trying to chase sleep out of her foggy brain, she asked, "Ain't goin' fishing' today, are you, Jim?"
"Reckon I am. Can't see nothing wrong with it, can you, May Sue?"
"Only thing, seems like you would be awful tired after that trip over to Temple yesterday. Can't see after what the doctor told you, how you can go fishin'. Ought to lay around the house here and rest. Maybe you could play with the children a few days. I would like to see more of you."
"Well, just look at me all you want. I look the same as I have looked these past eight years since we married."
May Sue pulled her loose gown down and did a cancer check on her middle aged but sensuous breasts. She manipulated her nipples and wished Jim would play with them with his tongue. She knew he was too sick. "Think you are just trying to get out of this house so's you don't have to look at these flyspecks and cobwebs. Swear if you ain't off with them coonhounds, you are off on the riverbank."
"Shouldn't be much longer," Jim said. He lit a cigarette and blew smoke into the clean air.
"Who says?" she asked scornfully.
"Doctor says."
"Oh, them doctors don't know much about what they are saying. I wouldn't put no trust in what they say no way. Nigh on two years now, they have been saying nothing but your nerves. Wish they would make up their minds so you could go back to work and support these children of yours." May Sue aroused herself with her examination.
"Hesh woman, you'll wake the youngins. I will be down at Three Mile Bridge if you want me. Pack a lunch and bring you and the kids down after while."
"How am I going down there? Walk? Land's looks like after what that doctor told you yesterday, you would put that cigarette out."
"Tastes awful good. Bring the ol' Chevy; it will run."
"Sure can think of everything 'cept how you are going to feed me and these youngins. Ain't you got gumption enough to know there is not going to be any food on this table after you've gone?"
"Thought I would catch some catfish to go with some new taters and beans out of the garden." He did not want to think about the future.
"Not what I mean, Jim, and you know it well as I do. You just sit down there and think about these three little children up here and me goin' to starve to death. Maybe you will come up with some kind of an answer while you are down there baking what brains you have left. There is got to be somethin' you can do about us. I just know there is somethin' you can do if you will put your mind to it."
"Well you just lie there and think about how in hell I am supposed to do something about it at this last stage in the game. Perhaps if this were a football game, I should punt, or how about passing the ball to an end? Maybe I can turn clocks back and gain another year or two before my time comes." Jim finished pulling on his run down cowboy boots and slammed out the door.
She heard the grinding of the starter, and then the slam of the hood, and she knew he was priming the carburetor. Finally, the motor roared through the busted exhaust pipe, and as she rolled over into the warm spot he vacated, she drifted off into another hour of undisturbed sleep.
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BRING ON THE VIRGIN
1:1 Now king David was old [and] stricken in years; and they covered him with clothes, but he gat no heat.

1:2 Wherefore his servants said unto him, Let there be sought for my lord the king a young virgin: and let her stand before the king, and let her cherish him, and let her lie in thy bosom, that my lord the king may get heat.

1:3 So they sought for a fair damsel throughout all the coasts of Israel, and found Abishag a Shunammite, and brought her to the king.

1:4 And the damsel [was] very fair, and cherished the king, and ministered to him: but the king knew her not. (Forget the last three words)Native Australians are reported to add another dog on cold nights. Thus ten dog nights. According to the Biblical account, those attending King David added a virgin when he was old and sick. Not a bad idea. If you are cold just add another virgin. The only thing is that a man would spend jail time for that means of keeping warm. Sometimes it is best if we don’t live by the Bible. Still worth thinking about.

"When it comes time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home."
Chief Aupumut, Mohican. 1725

Crossing the Bar
Alfred, Lord Tennyson
Sunset and evening star,
And one clear call for me!
And may there be no moaning of the bar,
When I put out to sea,
But such a tide as moving seems asleep,
Too full for sound and foam,
When that which drew from out the boundless deep
Turns again home.

Twilight and evening bell,
And after that the dark!
And may there be no sadness of farewell,
When I embark;
For tho' from out our bourne of Time and Place
The flood may bear me far,
I hope to see my Pilot face to face
When I have crost the bar./
When I was in high school this was one of my favorite poems. At the age of sixteen the thought of crossing the bar seemed soadventurouss. Now at this time in my life this poem has taken on new meaning, but what the ---? How many times have I missed crossing the bar? Too many to count so maybe the surgeon's hands will be skillful, and it won't be my time to go. As Christians we sing with gusto about going home, but not many of us go out peacefully. I'm living it up for another week at least by cleaning house, mowing the grass, and riding my bike. and petting my dog, Kelly.

Yesterday I went to Fort Worth to have a chemical heart stress. It wasn't too bad. A technician injected Antropine into my vein which caused my heart to race. Afterwards they pu me on a table and a camera took pictures of my heart in two different sessions. The reason they gave me this test was to seeif my heart is strong enough to stand me me being put to sleep for the oeration. The surgeon doesn't want me to be awake for the procedure. I'm enjoying these days before surgery.

HER AUNT'S FUNERAL


We went back after they finished shoveling dirt into her grave.

Heat made the grama grass dry and twisted.

Since a hot Texas sun sucked June moisture, there was no green left.

Cicadas worked at a loud and noisy song that screamed for water,

And the beaming light twisted and turned into optical illusion

That made mad men see sticks turn into rattlesnakes.

"You still want to be buried here by your parents?"

"If you don't mind," she answered.

"We better buy our plots this time."

"You plan on dying?"

I answered, "At our age one never knows."

"You want a double tombstone?" she asked.

After I agreed, I thought about the Texas heat.

Hell, I wouldn't hurt her for anything, but if she dies first,

They can put my name on the tombstone,

But I may have my corpse shipped to Colorado,

If the ground isn't frozen too hard to dig.



By Luther Butler

Thursday October 13, 2005 I went to Scott and White at Temple, Texas for the first part of three procedures. A small gash was made in my right groin through which a device was inserted for further work. Next week I will have the same procedure done on my left groin. On the third week I will have grafts inserted. The operation was to have taken an hour, but due to the fact that my blood vessels were knotted, the procedure took three hours. I spent one night in the hospital and was sent home. This method was much easier on me than the one that required cutting to reach the artery which is located behind the stomach. Today I am still having some pain, but it doesn't compare with the pain I am having from the first attempt to surgically repair the damage.


In order to reduce the operative risks for patients who are not ideal candidates for direct surgical repair of their aneurysms, an endovascular treatment was developed. This method involves placing a specially constructed Dacron graft inside the aorta by passing it up through the femoral arteries and into the aorta. This process is applicable to approximately two-thirds of patients with abdominal aneurysms. Its applicability is determined by measurements of the aortic diameter and angulation and the severity of associated blockages in the iliac and femoral arteries. The delivery system of the endograft requires iliac and femoral arteries of a moderate to large size.

Women frequently have smaller blood vessels than men. Therefore, they are often unable to have endograft treatment for their aneurysm unless an additional surgical procedure is performed to provide a larger vascular route through which the endograft can be delivered.

An aortic endograft is usually placed through two small incisions in the groin made over the location of the femoral arteries. The graft is then passed up through the femoral and iliac arteries into the aorta where it is anchored just below the renal (kidney) arteries with the limbs of the graft then brought down into both iliac (leg) arteries. A special type of ultrasound delivered on a catheter placed inside the aorta measures the size of the aorta and arteries going to the legs. This information helps the surgeon decide where to best place the endograft and what size graft should be used.">Scott & White - Heart & Vascular Institute - Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm - Central Texas: "endovascular procedure
In order to reduce the operative risks for patients who are not ideal candidates for direct surgical repair of their aneurysms, an endovascular treatment was developed. This method involves placing a specially constructed Dacron graft inside the aorta by passing it up through the femoral arteries and into the aorta. This process is applicable to approximately two-thirds of patients with abdominal aneurysms. Its applicability is determined by measurements of the aortic diameter and angulation and the severity of associated blockages in the iliac and femoral arteries. The delivery system of the endograft requires iliac and femoral arteries of a moderate to large size.

Women frequently have smaller blood vessels than men. Therefore, they are often unable to have endograft treatment for their aneurysm unless an additional surgical procedure is performed to provide a larger vascular route through which the endograft can be delivered.

An aortic endograft is usually placed through two small incisions in the groin made over the location of the femoral arteries. The graft is then passed up through the femoral and iliac arteries into the aorta where it is anchored just below the renal (kidney) arteries with the limbs of the graft then brought down into both iliac (leg) arteries. A special type of ultrasound delivered on a catheter placed inside the aorta measures the size of the aorta and arteries going to the legs. This information helps the surgeon decide where to best place the endograft and what size graft should be used."

January 22, 2006 It's almost over except for the healing. Now I have to take Coumadin to try and prevent future blood clots even though a filter has been placed to strain out blood clots before they reach vital organs. I have a bulge in my left side caused from the first failed operation that weakened the muscles and nerves along the incision. Luckily only fat deposits came out instead of guts which would have required major surgery. I have resumed my bike riding when the weather permits, and I have gradually increased my walking to four blocks. The muscles in my buttock area still clamp down and prevent farther walking which I was having trouble with before the operations started. So far I have not noticed any improvements in my body except that I can read with better comprehension. Only time will erase the pain caused by this ordeal, and I may never know if the operation increased my life span or let me enjoy my life more.

My home health nurse, her daughter, and Kelly Dawg nursing me. Thanks to the wonderful nurses at Harris Methodist Erath County, Stephens Home Health care nurses, and Scott and White nurses along with the doctors who have brought me safe this far. My special thanks go to the pastor of the First Presbyterian Church of Stephenville. Her soothing ways brought me through some very rough times. Although I wondered at times about friends and family who prayed for me, I love you.
"As I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to keep."

TO SUM IT UP. Perhaps it is about over. What started the first week in September as an op that would put me in the hospital ten days was brought to a close Nov 28th when a doctor at Scott and White removed the brads from my wounds (14 of them) and then the doctor who washed out the kidney stone took out a stint that was in my kidney. What a helluv a day! Now for a month of R.andR. Listen to this, can you believed I have a month of not being able to pick up a broom, rake, or pulling a wheel barrow or vacum! What a break. One last story before I close. When they pulled the stint out of my kidney through the you know what, two ladies put me in a strrup and told me not to be bashful because they did this all the time. The doctor came in and filled me up with water. Suddenly he said, "Look at what I took out of you." He was holding a stint he had put in my kidney that was about a foot or two long. The two ladies told me to wait until they prepared a shot. Here I am in a room without a urnial and ten gallons of water in me. At last I decieded to grab a waste basket and drain. End of story. It all came out in the end.

Here it is three days before Thanksgiving and my surgery is almost complete except for a little cleanup. On Nov. 14, (my birthday) they finished the stint through the bulges in my arteries. Nothing spectacular happened. On Nov 16th I went into surgery to remove the kidney stone in my left kidney. " This time we are putting you to sleep," the surgeon told me. "You will wake up in the recovery room." What he didn't tell me was what was in the knock out medicine. Two hours later I came to in a petting zoo. There were chickens, a turkey or two, some goats and sheep. While trying to adjust to the situation, they pushed me back to my room. "What was in the knock out formula?" "What do you mean?" she asked. "The recovery room is a petting zoo." My room mate spoke from his space. "When I woke up in there yesterday, they had a couple of elephants." Before I talked to my wife and son, I wondered how they had changed the colors in my room. Things aren't always what they seem to be.

I talked to your doctor about it - you have a clot in your vein (not
unexpected with compression by the iliac aneurysm)... the aneurysm
actually probably gives some protection against the clot "moving"!
Anyway, I suggested a heparin that is injected in the stomach area
rather than coumadin..... and leaving everything set up as is for seeing
us on 14th and operation on the 15th as planned.

got to tell me about my out of bod exp. Last Thurs while recovering from second phase of my operation took my meds in den and walked to bed room. Woke up for a few seconds after an hour or so on bed room floor. Crawled on bed , pulled trash can to bed and started my erp. Luke (my son) came in and called 911, no b.p. Put me in ambulance and took off for hospital. Came to on Lingleville Road hovering over my body. Didn't see God, Jesus, bright light, pres. SBC nor Bush. Wondered if I would cut grass Monday. Reminded I would be dead Monday. About that time crash crew at hospital attacked me. Released from hospital this Wednesday. Will take two weeks rest before rest of operation at Scott and White. Sorry I can't tell about Heavenly visitor. Perhaps Heaven is a place where I won't have to mow lawn on Mondays. Luther

In my case I am sure when the ambulance brought me in the doctor could have written, "DOA" and that would have been the end of it, but the doctor on duty at the emergency room called my regular doctor, and the two of them worked to let me live awhile longer. My only complaint is that they cut to pieces the old shirt I've slept in for at least ten years. The black out occured a week after the second device was installed in my artery at Scott and White. I was feeling fine before the incident happened.

This poem was written by a friend.
THIS POEM JUST JUMPED OUT AT ME ABOUT ONE O'CLOCK THIS MORNING. I COULDN'T SLEEP, IT WAS ON MY MIND SO STRONG. HOPE YOU DON'T MIND. ALMA

POOR LUTHER
Alma L. Greer
Nov. 05, 2005

I got this e-mail from Luther,
Telling me of his terrible time.
He told me of his dilemma,
Memories, I’ll bet, not worth a dime.

But, for sure those bad memories-
Will just keep lingering on and on.
Not, only for Luther alone,
But for Jo, his wife, and Luke, his son.

He was walking through their den,
Was the last thing he could tell.
Had just taken his medication,
He said, right after that, he fell.

I take it, he was on his way,
To the bedroom, and to bed.
He passed out, just as he got there,
And he knew for sure, he was dead.

It seemed, he lay passed out for an hour,
When he came to, he crawled into bed.
Pulled the trash can next to him,
"Started erping up." He said.

Luke came hurrying into the room,
Then he dialed 911 real quick.
He was so worried for his dad,
Poor Luther, he was so sick.

The ambulance came right away,
Luther was quickly loaded in.
And people hovered over his body,
As their journey to hospital begin.

Now, for sure he knew he was dead,
"I didn’t see God, Jesus or Bush." he said.
Would he mow the grass on Monday?
Then was reminded. "Monday I’ll be dead."

They finally reached the hospital,
Though I’m sure, time passed fast away.
Then he said. " The crash crew attacked me."
But, how long they worked, he didn‘t say.

After nearly a full week’s hospital stay,
Poor Luther got to return back home.
A bad memory, to be long remembered,
For many, many moons to come.

On Thursday, October 20 I returned to Scott and White for the second procedure. Since the blood vessels in my legs are so messed up, the physican went through an artery in my left arm. The second procedure went more quickly. Here is and observation that I made. Scott and White is very progressive, and their nursing staff is excellent but not any better than Harris Methodist in Stephenville. The difference is with the doctors. Stephenville has some well qualified people, but the way they screwed with me makes me very leery of them. After every phase of the operation at Scott and White there has been very intense pain that I have had to endure for almost a week each time. From what I understand I have one more session to endure. Luther